Thoughts on Children

These 2 days I’ve been thinking why I would want to have 3 kids. I don’t even look old enough to be a dad in the first place. People are shocked that I’m even married, let alone a dad.

Some earlier generation folks may want kids so that they’ll be well taken care of when they’re old and frail. Some may have kids in the hope that they’ll be given monthly allowances when their kids turn working adults. Some specifically want boys to carry on their good name. Well, we all know that these ideals/expectations are often out-of-reach. So why have kids in the first place and put up with all the trouble of raising them to know that there is a good chance of not achieving the ideals/expectations. These expectations aren’t the best reasons to have kids. Worse still, it causes strained relationships between children and parents at times.

A textbook answer would be, it’s God’s command to us to multiply. Personally for me, it would be the same reason to get married in the first place, companionship. I would like to see this companionship grow into a small community. It’s also love that drove us to have kids. God created us out of love and it’s natural for us to want to extend this love to our own offspring.

I don’t expect anything of out my kids for bringing them up. Of course, we teach our kids to be responsible and hope that they’ll love us and appreciate us when it’s our turn to need attention and care. However, it is my belief that the onus is on parents to bring them up with unconditional love, not expecting anything in return. It’s great if they’re grateful and decide to return the favour. If not, let’s remember that kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world, as unpleasant as it may sound.

Baby EN

Last night before going to bed, I was up for 40 hours straight. To say that I’m exhausted is a gross understatement. Furthermore, NN was having high fever after coming home from visiting SL in the hospital. I had my hands really full but thank God for my in-laws who were around.

It all started when SL and I were about to go to bed on 13/11 around midnight. Then, the contractions started to be more consistent. After 1 hour, we decided to call in my mum and aunt to look after NN and NN2 while we make our way to the hospital. That was around 1.45am on 14/11.

While at the hospital, we thought it would be a quick affair as it was already 3cm dilated. Minutes and hours went by and it was still 3cm dilated. SL’s doctor came in around 9+am and decided to start the induction to quicken the process. That was around 10.30am. Minutes and hours went by and again there was little progress. The pain is starting to be unbearable. At 2.30pm, the doctor checked and it was only 4cm dilated. We were all puzzled because after 12 hours in the labour room and 4 hours into the induction, we’ve only got 1cm progress. The baby’s head just wasn’t engaging into the pelvic.

At around 3pm and some discussions with the doctor, we decided that SL should go for C-section. Within the hour, baby EN came into his new world measuring 52cm and weighing in 3.42kg at around 3.45pm. I was in the operating theatre the whole time with SL. It was a whole new experience for me, though there were some moments of anxiety after I saw how baby EN was handled by the doctors. God is good and He is all-knowing because when baby EN was out and before the umbilical cord cut, all of us immediately knew why the natural delivery just didn’t happen. Yes to those of you who guessed it, the umbilical cord was around his neck 2 times!! There was no way he is coming out of the birth cannel. We thank God that we opted for the C-section procedure before it was too late. We thought we had a stubborn baby but it was something that was holding him back. Baby EN, welcome into your new world!!

Best Improvement

Time flies and it’s coming to the end of NN’s year 4 schooling at Powerkids. I got a pleasant surprise last week while dropping her off at school. Her class teacher came up to me and told me that she got the Best Improvement award and ask me to attend the Awards’ Night with NN.

I feel the award implies that our attention, energy, patience and communication with her teacher all paid off, not so much that NN is becoming intelligent or anything like that (though that is our hope as well). Since NN’s year 3 and beginning of year 4 at Powerkids, let’s just say that NN is not the best at writing, learning and motor skills. Furthermore, she has this thing with her mind going blank when being pressured to perform certain task. SL is the one spending most time guiding her through her school work, though I also take over during the weekends. We had to be patient with her during times when she seemed slow to learn.

During the year 4 mid-term parents-teachers meeting, we had the opportunity to communicate with her class teacher regarding her “weakness” and shared with her what works well with NN when it comes to learning. This is how parents and teachers can play a role together in the development of a child. I know there are a lot of “system” out there to get our kids started early or learn quicker so as not to lose out in the “race”. To us, the most important system we need to get going is our involvement with our children. Flaws are always there in whatever education system but together with parents’ involvement, I believe it’ll work for the better.

We’ve always been against parents resting the responsibility of their child’s development solely on teachers, babysitters, church, grandparents, etc. Parents need to play a more active role, especially during these times when our jobs demand so much of us. Sometimes it may not be our jobs at all but parents who seek the easy way out rather than dealing with the nitty-gritty of bringing up a child. Instant solution is the boon and bane of our time. When it comes to children, it is definitely a bane.

Love and Time First

“We are not earning enough to have kids yet”. This is a common reply I get when posing the question to married couples without kids yet that when they would want to have them. SL and I have previously also had the same mindset, i.e. money always comes first when thinking about family planning especially after we have 1 child. I guess all that changed when God decided that the NGs should be a bigger family unit by giving us another child on the way. I decided to no longer worry myself if I earn enough to support another child but rather to think how SL and I should managed our attention and love given to 3 children.

After meeting up with NN class teacher for her 1st semester review, it has further strengthened our changed mindset. Apparently, after the chat we realized that SL’s labour as a homemaker is beginning to bear fruit on NN overall development. Her teacher noted marked improvement on both academic and also character level. Sufficient finances will always be helpful, but sufficient love and time given to our kids should always be equally, if not more, important. We truly owe it to our kids because it is our choice, not theirs, to bring them into existence, that they will be given adequate guidance to experience life at its fullest even in this imperfect world of ours.

Big Sister